Some of my best friends are books.

It’s that time again–school is over for the semester and therefore I have more time to let my mind wander aimlessly and we all know how dangerous that can be. Now that I’m not constantly reading and writing for class or perfecting my German comprehension and speaking skills, I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. There are only so many miles I can run in a day, so many walks on I go on with my bf Dottie and our roommate Bowie, so many hours I can fulfill dancing around the house or reading or sewing. And so my mind wanders…

Without the distraction of school, I suddenly remember where I am and sometimes, it’s not a pretty realization. I try and dive into books and get lost for a while, but that only lasts for so long before my mind takes off in another direction. I get wanderlust so easily when I’m not focused. I keep waiting for that magical moment my mom always cautions me about, when I’ll suddenly want to “settle down” or “decide have children”–as if there’s a switch in my brain that suddenly turns on and I automatically become domesticated and decide to stay in one place. Instead I have these moments where I start dreaming about all of the things I want to accomplish, all of the places I want to go and I start to feel anxious; not because I need to settle down, but because I feel as if I’m running out of time to do everything that I want. The thought is overwhelming–almost explosive. I want to go in a million different directions at once, at the speed of light. Instead I’m here, slowly and carefully making my way.

I just want to take off; wind in my hair, sun on my face and music in my ears. Even if it’s just temporarily. Who’s down for an adventure?

Baby doll I recognize, you’re a hideous thing inside.

So, I recently had this idea, and as most of my ideas often do, there are a few holes and parts that probably won’t make sense, but I’ll do my best to explain myself anyway. The other day, I was thinking about boyfriends, the few I’ve dated, etc. and the good and bad about them when it dawned on me–sure it would be nice to have a boyfriend, and yes Kiss and I talk of and agonize over the topic often, but really, they’re just distractions and I would like a boyfriend without the distraction–a “part time boyfriend” (so-to-speak)!

And what is a part time boyfriend, you ask? Well! I will do my best to explain: A part time boyfriend is there when you need him to be and not when you don’t. You need to get a paper done?  Don’t worry, he’s only part time, he’s not going to be around to distract. You want to go out and get a few drinks, smooches, whatevs; he’ll be there in 15. Basically, you’ve got a boyfriend without all of the emotional bullshit there to distract you from more important obligations. No disappointments, no waiting around, and you really only have to like him half-assedly. Part time boyfriend means I only have to be partially into him which means he only needs to be semi-attractive, so I won’t get attached and it all works out. And maybe, if he’s lucky and everything does (surprisingly) work out, one day he can be moved to full time status. Sounds like a deal, right? Or did I just describe the entire dating game? Something’s a little off…

A major point to remember–and what’s easier said than done–is that fact that I too would then be part time; which is probably pretty impossible because I would have to remain detached or just be dating douche bags all the time…and that doesn’t sound very fun now that I think about it…When I told a male friend this brilliant idea, he responded with, “Sounds selfish, wicked, and darn right cruel to the sensitive male soul.” I wasn’t entirely sure what “sensitive male soul” he was referring to and therefore prompted him to further explain himself, “There are more than enough men out there that aren’t so preoccupied with getting laid and the thrill of one night stands and random hook ups. It’ll happen, but women should be careful, nothing hits a man harder in his gut than to think that he’s purposely part time.” To which I replied, “You’re so young and naive.”

OK, I admit that this whole part time thing is a terrible idea. Honestly, I’m just jaded and I’m sick of talking about boyfriends/dating. I hate dating. It’s a game and I don’t enjoy playing games with matters of the heart. I’d rather be set up in an arranged marriage than have to go play the dating game again. The fact that I’m even putting any kind of time and effort into writing this now makes me a little disgusted with myself. Boyfriend or not, I’ll still be happy. However, please don’t read into this as, “I just want to hook up when it’s convenient” because that’s certainly not what I’m tying to say either. I just refuse to be the type of girl who defines herself by whether or not she has a boyfriend. I’m better than that, and so are you!

(I can’t get no) Satisfaction.

I’m so easily distracted by the internet, it’s scary. I sit here on my lappy, with the intention of writing a paper, or even a blog and suddenly I need to check my email instead. Which then prompts me to check my Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, various blogs, bookmarks, etc. It’s never ending; and it’s terrible. Do you remember the days before the internet?! I do. And I remember getting along just fine; although, I was about 10 or 12 at the time…What about before the whole MySpace craze, which then turned into the Facebook craze? How in the world did we stalk eachother before then?! Did we really pick up the telephone and call to check up on eachother instead of reading a “status update” or a “profile comment”? It’s crazy to think about, especially since this whole networking site craze just blew up within the last 5 years or so. Five years ago, I could care less about checking my email, much less checking it at least 3 or more times a day. Five years ago I think I had better things to do and different priorities.  Today, I can’t live without the internet. It’s a blessing and a curse.

On one hand, having moved away from my hometown, the internet helps me stay connected to those I no longer get to see as frequently as I might like. I can see pictures and videos of birthdays I’ve missed, babies I have yet to meet and general goings-on that I used to be a part of. There’s also the convenience factor–you might be at work, doing homework, etc. and you can just quickly check and see what everyone is up to. And on the other, maybe this whole technological phenomenon is just dehumanizing. Maybe it would be better getting pictures in the mail? Hearing a voice over the line? Seeing someone in person? Generally speaking, I know what most of my friends (and family) are up to and I don’t even have to actually talk to them! Does this worry anyone else?

Good or bad, it’s a slippery slope.