I just want to use your love, tonight.

It’s come to my attention that I roll with an interesting group of friends. These friends consist mostly of guys–each special in their own way and all of them, strangely enough, single. So of course any new girl brought into this plethora of men is going to go ape shit–it’s a single man smorgasbord. Obviously, having been in this group for more years than I can remember and having known some of these guys since high school, I get a little wary of new girls brought into the group. Not because I’m jealous (these guys are like my brothers), but because I have to watch the same scene unfold every time–girl sees lots of attractive, single guys, girl flirts with and soaks up all the attention she can possibly get from each of them, occasionally girl causes rift between two male parties, then girl disappears. I basically watch all of the guys get played in one way or another. At first I would think to myself, “They’ll learn.” But it just kept happening. At one point I became very vocal on how I felt about these girls, but that earned me a reputation–and not a very nice one, mind you (so I learned my lesson, and kept my mouth shut)! You try putting up with a bunch of dumb-dumbs playing your friends and tell me how you feel! (I know, I’m so selfish.)

So anyway, since I’ve been back, I haven’t really cared to notice what kind of girls happen to stumble in (and out of) the group and when they have, I’ve even gone out of my way to introduce myself and be nice to the ones that seem to be sticking around (surprising, I know–considering I have a reputation as a “lioness”). But apparently this isn’t enough because I’m still catching flack and I’m not even doing anything.  Guys, yes, your lady friends are cute and yes, they’re nice but that doesn’t mean I don’t see right through them. I know I’m considered “one of the guys” but that doesn’t make me any less of a girl. I know how we operate, I am one. Remember? And I care about and love each and every one of you, even when I’m not feeling the love back. I guess I’m just protective of my friends (guys and girls alike), I have high standards for all of them, and I would hope that you’d feel the same. So please don’t be mad when I’m not as super psyched as you are when someone new enters the scene. Especially when these chicks aren’t exactly psyched on me either. (And why should they be? I’m a single girl hanging out with a bunch of single dudes and that’s not exactly normal.)

I’m a snobby, judgmental elitist. And the ironic thing is, so are you. But I’m not sorry about it.

I’d rather walk alone than chase you around.

National Poetry Month is coming to a close. Today is Poem in Your Pocket Day, select a poem, carry it around and share it throughout your day! Here’s my poem:

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear

No fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

–E.E. Cummings

Sometimes, I have “blonde moments” (Part zwei).

Very recently (as in last night) I was hanging out with some close friends. As usual with this particular group, we were drinking forties. Towards the end of my forty, a friend of mine was comparing her 12 ounce PBR to my larger bottle of High Life and asked, “How many of my beers is equal to yours?” To which I replied, holding up my forty, “I don’t know. How many ounces is this?!”

Oops.

Way to ring in the new year, huh?