Posts Tagged 'Friendship'

Aw, shucks.

So I have this friend and she’s gorgeous, and not only is she beautiful on the outside, but she’s also a big sweetheart. When we’re hanging out we make quite a timid, shy pair. I think this is mostly my fault. Regardless of the fact that I’ve known her for a few years now and that she’s such a sweet person, I find her completely intimidating. She’s tall, I’m short. She’s thin, I’m curvy. She’s well kept and put together and I’m…well, not.  And she totally accepts me just the way I am and I her, and yet, I’m still intimidated.

All of my friends are beautiful, but she is the only one I feel inadequate around. I haven’t figured out why it’s like this. Beautiful people have always intimidated me; I never feel comfortable around them. Maybe this is because I’ve never felt like I was or could be one of them? And now that I’m older and I’m out of that whole high school class system, you’d think I wouldn’t be so intimidated…but I still am. It’s kind of pathetic actually, the more I think about it anyway.

So this friend recently asked me to be a bridesmaid and I wholeheartedly accepted. Because of this little arrangement, we’ve been hanging out more, and the more we hang out, the more we both open up and the less intimidated I’ve become, which is fantastic (I’m finally comfortable eating in front her!). I’ve come to realize the older I get, the more comfortable I become in my own skin. While this friendship has been a (worthwhile) challenge for me, I’ve come to realize that I am just as beautiful as this friend, just in a different way (at least that’s what I’m telling myself).

Really though, I enjoy getting older. I feel as though I only get better with age–smarter, funnier, prettier. It’s a win-win situation for me so far. And this particular ladies friendship has done nothing but help. 25 is bound to be an amazing year for me. I can feel it and I’m excited.

Everyone is beautiful in their own way; sometimes it’s just a matter of realizing it.

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I temporarily lost my mind and joined a gym.

I believe that there are people in my life who, no matter what, will always be in my life. It’s as if they are meant to be there for a reason and while I might not always know the reason, I do realize they are here to stay despite any kind of absence or lack in communication; and it’s comforting to think about. I appreciate these particular people.

Conversely, there are also those that come and then (often quickly) go. And maybe they weren’t around for long and perhaps they were, and maybe they left an impression and maybe they hadn’t. But there’s also definitely a reason they were once around and now no longer are. There’s always a learning experience in any relationship, big or small, long or short.

I have a friend I’ve known since the seventh grade. We’ve had our ups and downs, our years of separation, silence and solitude, etc. and no matter what happens we always end up finding each other again. I’ve come to the conclusion that this person will always be a part of my life. Always. And I’m happy with that. I have another friend (who I’ve known for years) who lives states away, and while we may not talk every day or even every week for that matter, I know she’s always there and will always understand me. We’re connected.

Then there are also those who I once knew, in what seems like lifetimes ago. People with whom I had many great adventures at one time or another and now, I don’t. And maybe I didn’t invest as much of myself into the relationship as I should have and that’s why we’re no longer friends, and maybe not. Sometimes people are just too toxic and consuming to keep around. I think these people are just too afraid to let others really get to know them, and the second they think they’ve been found out, they disappear. They’re people who can’t be themselves, or don’t know how and in the process of becoming friends, this becomes apparent and often causes a strain. Sometimes, they push you away, and sometimes, you them. Sometimes it hurts and most of the time, it’s for the better. It’s always a growing experience, and you’ll always have the good memories (hopefully).

I’m not trying to sounds self righteous; I think this is just the nature of people, friends, relationships in general. Growing up is tough and making and maintaining lasting friendships can be even more difficult. I guess I’m just trying to say that I appreciate all of the friends I’ve had, and more so the ones that remain.

“I’m free but I’m focused, I’m green but I’m wise/I’m hard but I’m friendly, baby/I’m sad but I’m laughing, I’m brave but I’m chicken shit/I’m sick but I’m pretty, baby”