I will only complicate you.

I’ve officially been in North County for a month. It’s surreal. It’s incontrovertible and here I am about to start school (but still jobless). During this past month I have mentally been making notes on the things that annoy me about this place; the things I enjoy and the things I miss about San Francisco. Here are those lists:

V-Town Annoyances

• It’s too damn hot!
• The coffee is never strong enough– where do you find a decent cup of coffee in the Tri City area?!
• You have to drive EVERYWHERE– I HATE DRIVING!
• I feel awkward getting drunk at home– Almost as if it’s not allowed…
• 24 Hour Fitness is no longer in walking distance.
• There is a rampant infestation of “Bros” and their “Hos'” and their ginormous, gas guzzling trucks.
• My ex lives here– which isn’t a problem, but it is a problem.
• I haven’t slept through a night since I’ve been here– So I’m always tired and take a lot of naps.
• The surprised expressions I get when I confess that I don’t have a boyfriend and am not seeing anyone and don’t really have plans to– Shocker! I know. But much to the surprise of all Southern Californians, it is OK to be single and crave some form of independence (no matter how old you are). I promise.
• The CL “Missed Connections” aren’t nearly as entertaining as the San Francisco ones.
• I went from having a full-length mirror in my room that made me look ultra thin (nicknamed the “Skinny Mirror”), thus leaving me with a (false) sense of confidence, to a mirror that makes me look even fatter than I already am (nicknamed the “Fat Mirror”); leaving me with thoughts such as these: “You are a broke down, beat, fat ass. What happened to you?!” or “Why are you even bothering to get dressed and leave the house?” a la Liz Lemon style– Ignorance is bliss, people. Ignorance is bliss. Give me back the skinny mirror!
• They still play Korn on the radio here. Yes. Korn. Did I just move back in time?
• Everything is so spread out.
• Cable– Sure, I no longer have to wait until the day after to watch the two (2) shows I look forward to viewing, but there is a lot of trash out there. Trash you get sucked into and before you know it, you’ve spent the whole day on the couch, melting your brain.

Things I miss in/about San Francisco

• EVERYTHING!– Jay-Kay…kind of…no seriously, here’s the list:
• My roomies– Three’s Company fo’ life yo!
• Dolores park– Drinking there, reading there, people watching, etc.
• Work pals– You know who you are.
• The City life in general– Morning commutes on MUNI, Union Square, The Haight, etc.
• Dive bars– Too many good ones to list.
• The Many Mis-Adventures of Amy and Carissa.
• The lack of fast food.
• My house– Which isn’t actually “my house” anymore, but you know what I mean.
• Roommate dinners.
• Dining room dance parties.
• Charlie’s (wasted) Angels
• Friends, friends, friends– You know who you are too; don’t make me name names.
• And a whole lot more that I don’t want to list, ’cause then I’m thinking about it and then I get sad.

Now, just to be fair, here is a list of a few things I actually do (kind of) enjoy about North County:

Some V-Town Goods

• The Girls– Nat, Kate, Sissy and (yes, you too) Robin!
• $2 Racer5’s on Thursdays.
• Beaches where you can actually enjoy the sun and swim in the water.
• Real Mexican food– And at some places you can get it anytime you want!
• Free food/no rent.
• The Guys– Meaning my friends here who are guys– you know who you are too (although I’m fairly positive none of you read this).
• I won’t miss Decemberween– Assuming it still happens this year.
• Snowboarding
• The desert
• Wide open spaces.
• I’m now closer to my family.

So there you have it. I’m sure as more time goes on, I’ll have more to add to each of these lists but I figured after a month, this was a pretty good start.

On a closing note, a lot of us are starting school tomorrow, so to those of you who fit in that category, good luck! I wish you a happy, heathly semester riddled with well earned, good grades.

I rode a fixie for the first time on Sunday.

While living in San Francisco for the past two years, I went through four semesters of school. For the most part, I did well in school. But there was one particular class that I ended up flunking every single semester (including Summer semesters that I wasn’t even enrolled in!)– Guy 101: Dating and Men (or boys, depending on the situation and maturity level–it was an umbrella course).

This became a joke in my San Francisco household between my roommates and myself…only, it wasn’t really a joke. No matter how hard I studied, the important information just didn’t sink in and I just couldn’t comprehend; resulting in a big, fat F every time I had a test, thus flunking Guy 101 again and again and again! I could go through every scenario and give examples of said flunked exams, but it would be exhausting and embarrassing–the bright, red flags (that were up right in front of my face) that I missed, the misinterpretations of words and actions, the drunkenness that ensued. And there were so many failed experiments– Fat Head, Dead Fish, Fresh Fish, Minn Mac…all of them, fail, fail and epic fail.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t know how to date. I know how to be in a relationship–be a girlfriend–I did it once for many years and I like to think I did it well. I just don’t know at what point you go from “dating” to being in an exclusive relationship (you know, the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing).

I didn’t come away completely empty-handed though. Here are a few of the lessons I did actually “learn” along the way:

1. Men do not take woman on dates anymore–at least not in San Francisco.

2. I am a terrible judge of  the male character–they’re usually only that nice in the beginning because they want something, duh.

3. Commitment is often a bad word in the male dictionary.

4. I should not always be honest and say what I am thinking– this one didn’t actually sink in; I’m going to be honest, say what I really think about something and ask questions whether you like it or not! But I did notice that it would get me in a lot of trouble. Hah.

5. Generally speaking, men are selfish and unapologetic creatures.

So there you have it. Having now been relocated to Southern California, I don’t really plan on taking Guy 101 again…I think I’ve hit my limit in retaking the course anyway (thank you sweet, baby Jesus–I don’t think my delicate psyche could handle another F).

There was only one man worth my time in San Francisco anyway, and that man–was not you! So don’t even try and flatter yourself.

Please note that I used words such as “usually” and “generally” when describing what I’ve learned about the male behavior; which is to say, despite my constant failing, I don’t think every man is as described above. Thank you.