Baby doll I recognize, you’re a hideous thing inside.

So, I recently had this idea, and as most of my ideas often do, there are a few holes and parts that probably won’t make sense, but I’ll do my best to explain myself anyway. The other day, I was thinking about boyfriends, the few I’ve dated, etc. and the good and bad about them when it dawned on me–sure it would be nice to have a boyfriend, and yes Kiss and I talk of and agonize over the topic often, but really, they’re just distractions and I would like a boyfriend without the distraction–a “part time boyfriend” (so-to-speak)!

And what is a part time boyfriend, you ask? Well! I will do my best to explain: A part time boyfriend is there when you need him to be and not when you don’t. You need to get a paper done?  Don’t worry, he’s only part time, he’s not going to be around to distract. You want to go out and get a few drinks, smooches, whatevs; he’ll be there in 15. Basically, you’ve got a boyfriend without all of the emotional bullshit there to distract you from more important obligations. No disappointments, no waiting around, and you really only have to like him half-assedly. Part time boyfriend means I only have to be partially into him which means he only needs to be semi-attractive, so I won’t get attached and it all works out. And maybe, if he’s lucky and everything does (surprisingly) work out, one day he can be moved to full time status. Sounds like a deal, right? Or did I just describe the entire dating game? Something’s a little off…

A major point to remember–and what’s easier said than done–is that fact that I too would then be part time; which is probably pretty impossible because I would have to remain detached or just be dating douche bags all the time…and that doesn’t sound very fun now that I think about it…When I told a male friend this brilliant idea, he responded with, “Sounds selfish, wicked, and darn right cruel to the sensitive male soul.” I wasn’t entirely sure what “sensitive male soul” he was referring to and therefore prompted him to further explain himself, “There are more than enough men out there that aren’t so preoccupied with getting laid and the thrill of one night stands and random hook ups. It’ll happen, but women should be careful, nothing hits a man harder in his gut than to think that he’s purposely part time.” To which I replied, “You’re so young and naive.”

OK, I admit that this whole part time thing is a terrible idea. Honestly, I’m just jaded and I’m sick of talking about boyfriends/dating. I hate dating. It’s a game and I don’t enjoy playing games with matters of the heart. I’d rather be set up in an arranged marriage than have to go play the dating game again. The fact that I’m even putting any kind of time and effort into writing this now makes me a little disgusted with myself. Boyfriend or not, I’ll still be happy. However, please don’t read into this as, “I just want to hook up when it’s convenient” because that’s certainly not what I’m tying to say either. I just refuse to be the type of girl who defines herself by whether or not she has a boyfriend. I’m better than that, and so are you!


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