How to Lose Friends and Alienate People While Intoxicated

I’ve done it again!

Another episode of temporary insanity. You would think that I learned my lesson last time, but apparently these things just don’t register with me…I don’t even remember most of my night which is terrible to begin with, and when I was told some of things I did and said, my first reaction was laughter. What a fucking nut I am! But as the day of recovery has gone on and things have started to sink in, I really do feel quite terrible about last night. Don’t get me wrong, I really was having a wonderful time…until all the alcohol hit and I realized that I lost not only my camera, but also my ID, transit pass and dignity.

I keep getting told that I really wasn’t that bad; but to tell someone that they’re no good in bed (whether true or not) is just rude and unacceptable (and, honestly, slightly humorous)! I can only imagine all of the other shit and word vomit spewed from my mouth if I was wasted enough to say something along  the likes of the aforementioned…ugh, I don’t even want to think about it. It makes me cringe. And what’s even better, is that fact that while wasted, I deleted every piece of drunk texting evidence. I woke up this morning (feeling as though I were about to die) to a blank, empty phone. Brilliant! I amaze myself sometimes.

Actually, as I write this, I’m slightly conflicted. Part of me is fairly embarrassed, sad and upset over my actions last night and the other half thinks it’s one of those, “shit happens” kind of situations and the best I can do is shake my head and laugh it off. I mean, this dude doesn’t like me anyway, so does it really matter that I made a complete ass of myself in front of him one night? I’m sure I’ve done much worse and life goes on and one day I won’t even remember this (hopefully).

This time I did make a (lame) attempt at apologizing; so I guess that means I’m trying. The main thing to remember is this: refrain (as in DO NOT) have 5 shots of whiskey, 5 beers and that motherfucking vodka! What was I thinking?! We hate eachother. We’ve never gotten along and we never will. I am never drinking vodka again (or 5 shots of whiskey with 5 beers). End of story.

I’m sorry, two words/I always think after you’re gone/When I realize I was acting all wrong/So selfish, two words that could describe/Old actions of mine when patience is in short supply
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2 Responses to “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People While Intoxicated”


  1. 1 Anonymous in San Diego May 4, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    So I thought you might take some solace in my story of drunken black-out alienation. I got this new job. During my 2nd week, we went away to a conference. At said conference I got completely, outrageously, ridiculously, absolutely black-out drunk while drinking with MY BOSS and his friends. The last thing I really remember is breaking a glass in the hotel bar. After that I apparently attended a margarita party I have absolutely no recollection of where, I’m told, I had some kind of asthma attack. Not only did I miss almost an entire day of the conference because I felt like death, but for the rest of the conference I kept having super awkward encounters with people I had partied with, but had no memory of. This is actually how I found out about the mysterious margarita place.
    Random Man: “Hey, how are you? Did you by chance leave a jacket in my room?”
    Me: *blank stare*
    RM: “It’s me, from the margarita party last night.”
    Me: “Oh of course… I think I did leave it in your room…. Brian” This is one good thing about conferences: nametags.
    RM: “Okay, cool, I wasn’t sure who it belonged to. Just come by my room and get it when you have a chance.”
    Of course, I couldn’t go to his room to get it since I had no idea which room his was, what floor it was on, or what indignities I had committed there. Miraculously, I am still employed, but I will never, ever live this down. Why do we do these things to ourselves?

    • 2 goodnightrose May 4, 2009 at 5:52 pm

      This is probably one of the greatest drunk stories I’ve heard in a long time that doesn’t involve me (and I’m slightly surprised it’s coming from you)! Hahaha. Kudos! And it did make me feel a little better. Thanks for sharing 🙂


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