Today was my last day at work.

I held it together until I got home and then I couldn’t hold it together anymore. So, I’m sitting on the couch home alone with my tears, eating chocolate. Hahaha. Ridiculous.

This makes my heart happy and sad at the same time. It’s precious.

Yes, occasionally I’m actually mushy and sentimental.

She will kick the car and find her friends.

I’ve been completely uninspired to write anything that even remotely resembles something of substance, lately. I apologize. Or maybe I’m just lazy? Sometimes I can’t tell; but these dry spells are killing me…so here I am.

While out and about today, after indulging at Dottie’s (thank you, Kiss! BTW) I ended up buying Iron & Wine’s Around the Well and simply put, it is amazing. It’s like falling in love over and over and over again (at least my idea of falling in love). The entire album is fantastic, but there are three songs in particular during my first listen-thru that struck me as immediate favorites: Communion Cups and Someone’s Coat, Belated Promise Ring and The Trapeze Swinger. Check them out–now! I’d elaborate on why I fell for these particular songs so quickly, but I’d rather you just listened to them and come out with your own interpretations. (Or maybe I’m just being lazy?)

When I die, I would like The Trapeze Swinger played at my funeral. I’m sure that sounds a bit morbid, but I figure we’re all going to die one day, so I better start putting together my playlist, right? And that song is definitely going to be on it. And I’m sure this isn’t the first time someone has thought/written/said something like this about that song.

Gosh, I love Iron & Wine.

So what?! I’m still a rock star!

Something worth watching…

Enjoy!

http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/entertainment/watch/v12272529WMNAK6WW

Oh, to be so painfully hip.

Hipsters. Love them or hate them, they’re everywhere…San Diego, San Francisco and soon I’ll find out if they’re in Minnesota! But that’s beside the point. Here’s a conversation a friend and I recently had about hipsters (please excuse any and all spelling and grammatical errors–it is just chat after all):

1:20 PM me:what should i have to drink from the fully stocked fridge?

dr. pepper? an izze?

k*****: beer

me: hahahaha. i wish!

k*****: oh damn

well

root beer?

??

me: we have cream soda

?

k*****: eh

me: that’s close

k*****: yeah. . .

1:21 PM i think dr pepper sounds nice. .. what kind of izze do you have?

me: i think we have clementine and raspberry

k*****: HM

raspberry sounds nice.

1:22 PM me: i think so too!

and those are supposedly “all natural”

k*****: oh well yeah definitely go with that one, for hipster factor alone!

hahaha

me: hahahahaha

1:23 PM oh to be so painfully hip!

i think hipsters come from the emo family

k*****: oh yeah?

me: you know, like cats and leopards are in the “family”

k*****: right

i think you’re definitely onto something there

i could see that.

1:24 PM you should write a blog about it

me: i was just going to say that!

k*****: it should be titled “Oh to be so painfully hip”

i like that

me: i was thinking of more things to talk about for our show…i should have written them down

k*****:

me: haha. good idea!

k*****: yeah

1:25 PM yeah that should definitely be video blog topic

hipsterssss

and their many variations

me: ooooooh! how we love to hate them and hate them because we love them so (the boys anyway)

1:26 PM k*****: yeah, just the boys

its definitely a love/hate

me: ya

1:27 PM k*****: i can only love them from afar, because then i start to loathe them after about 2 minutes of staring at their skinny legs and nasty haircuts

1:30 PM me: agreed

1:31 PM and if they’re going to keep their hair long, i really wish they would wash it once in a while…

i know i’m pretty scuzzy sometimes, but pretty, clean, soft hair is more of a turn on

k*****: yeah, and maybe cut it so that one side wasnt noticeably longer than the other

me: instead of that weird unwashed hair smell

hahahahahaha

1:32 PM (oh and i was wrong, it’s “sparkling pomegranate”)

k*****: mmm

that sounds delicious

and very hip

So there you have it…one day I will go into more detail about my theory of hipsters and their taxonomic category–being related to those emo kids, and the emos being related to the goths and so on and so forth…but for now, this is all you get (mostly because I haven’t had the time to fully research and think this idea through)!

Also, you may have noticed a reference to a “video blog.” That’s right, we’re actually toying with the idea of creating our own “reality” (of sorts) show; seeing as we’ve talked about it before and apparently no one is going to make it for us, we going to take matters into our own hands! However, I must admit that I’ve never been one to feel comfortable in front of a camera (I think it has something to do with the shyness) and I really hate seeing myself on film, but we’ll see what happens…so stayed tuned for that.

“Give me a yellow brick road and a Japanese car and benevolent change”

It’s hard to take risks with a pessimist.

I started writing this long ago. And perhaps I shouldn’t be sharing it…?

Love is a funny thing. Actually, it’s not very funny at all. I mean, occasionally it can be, but for the most part, in my own experiences, it’s a complete mind fuck. It’s one of those crazy concepts/emotions/feelings that I can never fully grasp. I could go in circles all day thinking about it and no “relationship expert” or self help book on love, relationships, break ups will ever help.

Following the biggest break up of my young life thus far, I once spent an entire day in a bookstore in the self help section browsing books on love/relationships/break ups, etc. Relationship experts all have something different to say, which in turn ends up all being the same–they have “advice” but no real answers. I’ve agonized over the idea of  “falling in love” and even more so over the concept of “falling out of love”. How exactly does one “fall”? I understand that when falling in love it’s a combination of qualities that one finds attractive in another; you could even go as far as taking into consideration all of the chemical and astrological theories out there– pheromones and signs.

But what about falling out of love? How is it possible to love someone so completely, totally enamored for years possibly, to feel as though you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and then wake up one day and realize that this is no longer true? You just “fell” out of love. Does that mean that all of those feelings for that person were a lie? Where did this love go that was so true just days, weeks, months ago? “I loved you for years more than anyone else in my entire life, and now I don’t. You didn’t really do anything wrong, I just seemed to have misplaced my love for you somewhere…sorry!” WTF?! Are you kidding me? That’s not fair.

Having once thought that I had found “the one” only to be wrong a few years later baffled me. So I turned to my mother, who has been happily married to my father for the last 25 years (and counting) and asked how she knew that dad was “the one”. Her answer, “You just know.” OK? Well, I thought I knew; in fact it was the only thing I was completely sure of in my life at the time and then suddenly, it wasn’t. So now what? How did I go from being so sure, to not sure at all? It scares me. What scares me even more is the thought of this happening over and over and over. Wasting years and hurting others and myself. Will I just lose it all every few years and repeat the entire process? Will I always hit a fork in the road and be forced to choose? So many questions and never enough answers. Or maybe I’m just not patient enough to wait for them.

I guess it all comes down to guilt. I feel terrible that I was once deeply in love with someone and now, I no longer am. I’ll always love him, I’m just not in love with him. I guess as soon as you start to doubt that other person or yourself, it’s all over. Especially if that doubt cannot be proven wrong and one or the other no longer has the faith to work it out.

Unfortunately, I’m quite a shy, socially anxious person at times (I hide it well, no? Hence drinking in social situations.  Haha.) and it takes me a while to warm up to people, assuming I don’t let my insecurities (a.k.a. defects) get in the way. And being like this certainly doesn’t help in the relationship department (friendly or otherwise), nor does the fear of repeating the long term dating process. Put those two together and I’m bound to be a hermit for the rest of my life. Well, maybe not a hermit, but pretty single. I’ll probably have a dog or something. Either way, I’ve become pretty good at sabotaging myself and pushing people away for fear of something that’s eventually going to happen regardless.

Anyway, does anyone else ever think about these things? Do they bother anyone else? Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? I just need some answers here people. It’s a mind fuck.

My stomach muscles hurt from puking all day yesterday.

Have you ever listened to Death Cab for Cutie, and I mean really listened and paid attention to the lyrics? As much as I enjoy listening to them, I find the lyrics incredibly depressing. I can’t say I listen to Death Cab when I’m in a good mood, that’s for sure. Everything is about love–lost love, unrequited love, unexpressed love, nonexistent love.

I find it rather odd that when I’m feeling a bit sad, lonely, etc. that I listen to music that reflects those particular feelings as opposed to music that might actually make me feel better. Something a little more upbeat and lively. Something with “happy” lyrics.

Honestly, I don’t really remember where this blog was supposed to go other than perhaps that last paragraph that I just completed today. I had thoroughly forgotten that I had started this one, back before I moved and took a short break from the internet somewhere around July 14th. I know I have more thoughts on this subject, unfortunately, I’m just not in the same mindset as I was when I first started this one. Sorry about that! Maybe I’ll be able to get back to it another day…but I don’t know how soon that will be because things have been going pretty well lately (and I totally just jinxed myself by saying that–or at least it would seem that way if I were superstitious)!

Anyway, as you can see, I once again have the internet and will resume my 250 words a week! Haha. As if I did that when I had the internet to begin with. But I will try, I promise! I’ve loads of things to talk about, as a lot has happened within the past couple of weeks, and I did make a list of things to write about, I just have to find it…somewhere…in the mess I am currently claiming as my room.

But that’s all for now! It’s time for class…